I AM

Did you know that anything you say after the word “I AM,” you become?

This is because words cast powerful spells. That’s why it’s called “spelling”.

I read this passage and reflected on where I find myself today.

It had me thinking of some of the words I have used in spelling my self-talk prior to the pandemic and how self-talk changed during it. This has led to a big shift.

To give context, fourteen months into the pandemic, I still had not been working at my regular job. This gave me a chance to reflect and come to the realization that there was more to my life than what I had been living.

This began a conscious inquiry, “What am I weaving into my reality?” “Is it in alignment with what I am wanting for my life?”

Although this wasn’t my original plan, in my late 40s, I found myself single, with no children, no job and no attachments. I realized that I was free to make changes and to do what I really wanted.

As a precocious child, I had a questioning mind. I was curious about how others chose to live their lives- and would often wonder “what if”.

This quality stayed with me, although it was dormant. However, during the pandemic I could feel a shift happening.  Suddenly I was asking important questions and noticed myself drawn to the idea of moving.  My mind was asking, “What if…?”

Living in Ontario, I had vacationed on the East Coast a few times in recent years and remembered the immense forests and the calm feeling of being by the ocean.  This inspired a longer-term plan to possibly retire down east.

However, as I started reading articles of young families looking for affordable living and others that were choosing this time to pick-up and make a move, I started to entertain the idea for myself.

Wanting a more simplified life, with less restriction and more ease, I was drawn to the open space and less congestion of the East Coast.

I realized that I had started spelling the words, “I am a dreamer” into my life.

This excitement led me to contacting my Human Resources department and asking if a transfer could be possible.

I also started talking to friends and family about this idea of moving eastward. These connections and conversations eventually led me to New Brunswick.

Taking a leap of faith, I sold my home, hired a moving company, and bought a house online sight unseen during a pandemic! During this process I kept noticing the easy energy around the whole process. This synergy helped guide me; the decisions felt right. More spelling appeared in my reality: “I am courageous.”

My connection to Women’s Wellness Circles came in the early months of the pandemic, following my lay-off from work. I had been looking at what was important to me, and how I could bring more of who I am out into the world.

Meeting Jill and taking the host training gave me an outlet to pursue something new in myself and to share it with the world. I enjoyed making connections with fellow hosts and started a Women’s Wellness Circle with a co-host in my hometown of Cambridge. It was simple and something positive to put my energy into. I have been so moved by the authentic women in this circle. This energy had me spelling more words into my reality, “I am inspired.”

As a yoga instructor, I’ve enjoyed bringing people together and sharing a sacred and communal experience in class. At my workplace as a manager, I’m a communicator and must make sure everyone’s needs are met and they are feeling included. More insights are being spelled…” I am a connecter.”

Last but not least, I noticed the Blue Heron as a reoccurring guide during this transition.  When we were initially looking for a space to host our first Circle in Cambridge, we made a connection with a holistic shop, The Purple Door, where I purchased a card deck of animal guides. This deck has a Blue Heron on the case cover. Where I’ve moved to in New Brunswick, the Hampton city signage has a blue heron with the slogan “It’s our nature”.  All summer in my new home, I would see blue herons flying overhead. It was intriguing to make this connection once I was living down East.  More spelling as I recognize that, “I am listening and receiving.”

When I look back, I can connect the dots of the thoughts, words and actions that brought me here to my new home in Hampton, New Brunswick. I’m getting my feet wet. I’m making connections, and I am looking forward to staring a Circle in the new year.

Spelling it out for myself…. “I am a woman, I am a wise woman, I am a yogi, I am a practicing Ayurveda Auntie, I am a Women’s Wellness Circle member and Host. I am a lifelong learner…”

Most importantly, I am living it all – the adventure of my life.  I AM HERE.

What are you spelling into your life?

Jennifer Bruder

Women’s Wellness Circle Host
Hampton, New Brunswick
bruderjenn@gmail.com